My first California cry
So, it finally happened…I had my first “I miss home” crying session. Last Saturday night, Jon and I watched the kids (my 2 nieces and 2 nephews that we live with) and we took them to church since they weren’t going to be able to go on Sunday. We haven’t found our new church home yet but have enjoyed visiting this church with Jon’s brother Chris and Janelle so we were more than happy to take the kids and attend. Once Jon and I got all 4 checked in (which was a feat all in itself (and should be an olympic sport), we headed into service. The worship got started and, overall, it was a very good worship service. After a few songs in, I leaned over to Jon and said, “I keep wanting to see Bleecker and the usual gang up there”. My mind just starting thinking more about The Village and the dear friends, family, and coworkers we had left and I just couldn’t help it. The tears started slowly and I whispered to Jon, “I can’t stay in here” so he paved a way through the row and we went to the little cafe they have. I think I just finally let the stresses of the move and the new job and Jon’s new business and just everything come out. Then I did a throwback to my childhood days and said, “…and I miss my mom!” “I know sweetie,” Jon said, just letting me cry into his arms as he rubbed my back like the amazing husband that he is. It felt good though. I knew it was coming. And although I do miss home and family very much, I know the Lord has us here. It just doesn’t necessarily make it any easier.
Something else that surprised me was how I felt in the church service. I compared it to going through a hard break up, you know…those break ups where it ended on good terms and you still have huge respect for that person, etc. And it felt like sitting in that different worship center, being handed a different bulletin, hearing a different worship leader and pastor….that I was dating again too soon. I wasn’t ready for this. Doesn’t that sound crazy?! It’s just that I have been so invested at The Village for so long…since Matt came and it’s where I have really only attended since being saved. The Village is the community God used to heal me from some deep wounds, to minister to me to a healthier place, to love on me through thick and thin, to laugh with me and to cry with me, to teach me what it is to be authentically and solely His bride. It has been very difficult at times to not put the village on a pedestal. The other day, a guy was in town from Dallas (where he recently relocated to from Florida) to help train some coworkers on some technologies and asked me what churches I recommend. “The Village,” came out of my mouth within .25 seconds. The man said, “Oh yes, we’ve visited there but we’ve also visited such-and-such church and really that like that too. I think we’ll prob go to such-and-such church because…” and then listed his reasons. I wanted to scream out and say, “No, The Village is better and here’s why……” and I could just hear the Lord say, “Bre, I work differently in each person’s heart and what may seem right to you may not be right for them.” Doh. It’s so true though. Those people at such-and-such church are seeking His face just like those at The Village. That doesn’t make them better or worse, just different. This move has helped me to not keep The Village on a pedestal and to further show how I have done it in the past. I’m learning more and more to keep God on that pedestal. I know He will provide us to the right church home, the right community for Jon and I to invest in and serve. So, I felt I should share my struggles lately and ask for your prayers for both Jon and I.
We covet your thoughts and prayers. :) Thank you to those that are praying for Jon’s business. He has already received a few referrals from the local Apple store and we are hoping there will be more to come. Work for me is going well and I hope to go full-time really soon. In the meantime, I’ve been taking a portraits photography class here in Folsom and have really been enjoying it. I’m continuing to work on my photography site and have been meeting more and more photographers in the area. My class has a field trip soon so I’ll post some of my photos from that. :)
Here’s some photos of our life lately:
J + B